confession

the title of this blog was not originated by me, but by a woman who i hold as my dearest friend. back in college susan had a radio show that i would ocassionally co-host with her; though, those moments were rare and she had the fortitude to get up very early and provide new music to the local kids in poughkeepsie who were on their way to school. while i on the other hand tended to sleep until the latest moment possible before going off to class. but like walter benjamin, i like to collect and use what has been thrown out into the world.

and there we have it - again, walter - didn't even mean to think about him. what is my obsession? i had no intention of referencing him today. just wanted to put a few sentences down to keep the habit of writing alive in my body. t-minus a few months til i have to express myself on the page again. or perhaps on the screen. we are going green are we not?

fear #1 - i've never written without smoking ... will i be able to?
i won't be able to afford it if it's the case and it's not healthy. (that should be written in reverse, should being the operative word.)

fear #2 - what if i'm not as smart or artistic as they seem to think i am.

fear #3 - what if i'm not as smart or artsitc as they seem to think i am.

i'm trying to remember and find my voice - which hilary said is clear and strong. so a few moments every day tinkering about on this hopefully will be helpful.

favorite words of the moment:

once
of

favorite project right now:

skimming through all of my books before putting them in boxes

least favorite project:

going through the papers and journals and notebooks that exist in my room and either consolodating or throwing things out. right now i am actually considering chucking ... so not like me.